Restaurant Review: Press195

One of the places that I got really wet-my-pants excited about when I moved here was a place called Bell Boulevard, located in Bayside, Queens.  I thought it would serve as a surrogate South Street, with numerous restaurants but without the flash mobs, gunfire, and general peril that is part of Philly's charm.  I had taken several trips down Bell Blvd. just to window shop, and one day I finally decided to bite the bullet and try Press195, a restaurant known for its sandwiches.

"Oh...sandwiches...interesting," I can hear you saying sarcastically.  Well you know what?  Eff you, loyal reader.  As mother dearest can attest, I have been eating ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch since I had teeth.  I literally live off of sandwiches, and when I get the chance to try some upscale versions of my favorites, I won't turn it down.  So one day, after a long and grueling day at work, I found myself a spot at their bar, caught some sports action, and had a meatloaf knish.

Let me preface this by saying I was very hungry.  Like, Las Vegas buffet hungry.  So when I asked the waiter for one of his biggest sandwiches, he recommended this one.  You can imagine my utter disappointment when he brought out what appeared to be dinner for a family of sparrows.  This sandwich was no bigger than my left hand!  I had just spent $9 for what essentially amounted to finger food.  "This better taste good, homes, or I'm going to YOLO all over your face," I thought to myself (see, I'm hip).

The knish itself was good, but not great.  The sandwich is essentially a meatloaf dinner served in between two potato-based patties.  I believe Bell Blvd. suffers from Yelp inflation, in which the surrounding area has so many low quality restaurants that the average score of any given restaurant is probably 1/2 star too high (this is actually a problem of Long Island in general).  In any case, I was underwhelmed.  So much so, in fact, that I have not been back to Bell Blvd. since.  Hey, when it's a meatloaf knish or singles for a strip club, your priorities have a way of sorting themselves out.  Wait, what?

Hey, thanks for the horse doovers!

Verdict: 3.5 out of 5 YOLOs.

Restaurant Review: Nicky's Vietnamese Sandwiches

Do you remember the first time you hit a crack pipe?  Yeah, me neither.  I've heard, however, that drug addicts continually chase their first high, doing endless amounts of dope just to get back to that initial euphoria.  Such is my relationship with Banh Mi, the lust child of French and Vietnamese cooking.  I've tried them all in an effort to recapture that first bite of Nhu Y (802 Christian St., Philadelphia, PA 19147) magic.  But alas, nothing gets me close to that lip-quivering blend of sweet yet savory meat, crisp vegetables, and crunchy but pillowy French bread served up by some Vietnamese dude on the outskirts of the Italian market of Philly.

And yet, I chase.  After moving to Queens, I remembered that a recent "Best Thing I Ever Ate" showcasing sandwiches mentioned the Brooklyn site of Nicky's Vietnamese Sandwiches not once, but twice!  Nicky's Banh Mi was going to be the Blue Magic ("Breaking Bad" reference) to my Nhu Y cloudy meth.  Although the restaurant garnered a paltry 3.5 stars on Yelp, I remained unfazed.  I hopped in my car, sped through town, hit a few old ladies, and parked my car, mouth watering in anticipation.

Me (with gusto): I'll have your famous sandwich!

Cashier: [Odd look.]

Me (deflated this time): The Banh Mi.

Cashier: [Rolls his eyes but acknowledges my order.]

I got my order.  I reached into the bag, my hands shaking violently, and pulled out this magical sandwich.  It was beautiful.  It seemed to have an aura about it, a halo of some sort.  Was this God himself in sandwich form?  I took a bite, and another, and another, and another.  Wads of chewed meat flew violently in every direction.  Men cringed.  Women gawked.  Children ran.

And yet, as the warmth of the meat washed over my brain, I came to a painful epiphany.  Nhu Y was still better.  NHU Y WAS STILL @%#&$% BETTER!  KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

Yes, I rubbed the other half on my pants.

Verdict: 3.9 out of 5 Wrath of Khans (and still not better than Nhu Y)

Welcome to BYOfork!

Welcome to BYOfork!  I'm your not-so-humble host, General Tso.  You may remember me from such blogs as the defunct battlefood.blogspot.com and another one that I can't mention because of the midget pornography (just kidding).  Together, we'll experience the best food that New York City has to offer, and along the way you'll learn things about me that you probably never wanted to know.  So whet your appetite and dry your pants, because off we go!